Haunted by These Memories
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Harry never knew the story, but if he'd known how horrific it truly was, he would never have asked to hear it. There are some things too terrible to think about, things that leave marks—scars that nothing, not even time, can erase. Apocalypse!AU. Wolfstar and Jily. Warnings for some graphic violence, language, major angst, PTSD/depression, and illness. For Ari


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts. Other prompts are listed below. :)**

 **Defense Against the Dark Arts Task 2: Write about running away from something.**

 **PLEASE NOTE: This is an apocalypse/Muggle!AU**

 **WARNINGS: Graphic violence, language, angst, PTSD/slight depression, illness (Lupus. As always, please PM me if there are any inaccuracies so I can fix them :))**

 **Word Count: 5235**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

 **For Ari, whose birthday was oh-so-many months ago, but requested tortured Wolfstar. I hope this fits the bill, love. Thanks so much for being your amazing you! :)**

 **Enjoy!**

"You might want to check the back door, you forgot to lock it."

Harry sighed when he heard the familiar words, but called back as he always did. "It's okay, Uncle Remus. You're in the Sanctuary now, remember? The air can't hurt us here."

Harry Potter, sixteen, shut the door to the government-issued apartment he and his adoptive uncle, Remus Lupin, shared. Harry entered the sitting room where he knew the older man would be with dread; the doctors said that Remus may never be able to come back from the place the war had left him, though he did have good days. Those were the days that Harry longed for, when it felt like his uncle was still here with him.

Today, however, was not a good day.

Harry wasn't naive—he knew that the war had left many scars on all those involved, not just the land outside the Sanctuary. There were horrors that he'd never been told, and he suspected that some would be kept a secret from him forever. He didn't hold this against Remus, though. His uncle always seemed stuck between the nightmares of his past and the bliss of the present. It would be cruel to make him relive it every time Harry had a question.

The black-haired boy went to sit by the older man, whose amber eyes were staring blankly at the opposite wall. Harry grabbed his scarred hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"Are you all right, Remus?"

Remus' head gave a little jerk, and his eyes seemed to focus in on Harry. "Ah, yes. Yes, Harry. I'm fine. It's… it's over, isn't it?"

The question held a hint of doubt that Harry quickly tried to dispel. "Yes, of course it is. You're safe now. Everyone's safe."

Remus laughed softly, running a hand through his prematurely-greying brown hair. "Not everyone," he corrected bitterly. "Your parents… Sirius… they didn't get here in time."

Harry's heart leapt into his throat, his green eyes wide; Remus had never before hinted at what had happened nearly two decades ago—Harry had learned the story from other people.

Harry nodded slowly. "I know they didn't. But you've—you've never told me why."

Remus turned to look at him, his face haggard and his eyes haunted. "It's not a happy story."

* * *

 _Remus looked around wildly, searching desperately for his boyfriend in the crowd. When news of the failed government experiment had leaked to the public, a mass panic had broken out. A virus that had been developed had gotten out of control, turning its victims into mindless killing machines—zombies in every sense of the world. Though they weren't technically undead, it was rumored that they could feel no pain; they would carry on through any injury until they ran out of either blood or oxygen._

 _Remus and Sirius had fled at the news, hoping to escape the country before the government closed the borders. The two lovers had run to their friends'—James and Lily's—house, but Remus and Sirius had been separated in the crowd._

" _Sirius!" Remus bellowed over the din. "Sirius, where are—"_

" _Remus, I'm here!"_

 _Remus turned around to see Sirius Black grinning at him, grey eyes relieved. Remus threw his arms around his partner, pulling him close. "Don't do that again," he mumbled into the taller man's ear. "Sirius, if I lost you—"_

" _But you won't," Sirius interrupted firmly. His strong fingers dug into Remus' back. "I won't leave you. Now come on, we have to get to James and Lily."_

 _As Remus and Sirius fought their way through the crowd, this time gripping each other's hands tightly, Remus couldn't help but doubt Sirius' ability to keep his promise._

 _Their world was ending, and they had no idea what could be ahead._

* * *

"You didn't make it out of the country," Harry guessed. "You were all locked within the borders."

Remus nodded absentmindedly, his gaze fixated on the lightning-bolt scar on his nephew's forehead. "We were so young, so… optimistic. Even though we were trapped, we thought we could survive inside strong enough walls. And that worked, for a year or two. Then the government tried to stop the outbreak… by cleansing the city. Poisonous gas… they released it everywhere… It was only supposed to affect those with the virus." Remus laughed mirthlessly, his eyes far away once more. "I still don't know why we put any faith in them."

Chills ran down Harry's spine as he realized the implications of Remus' statement; he'd always known that the air outside the Sanctuary wasn't safe, but he'd never dreamed that it was the Ministry's fault. "Did it… did it solve the zombie problem, at least?"

Remus' gaze dropped to his lap, and Harry tried not to be frustrated at how distant the man was being. "For some of them, it worked," he murmured. "But for others…"

* * *

 _Remus held a cloth up to his face, trying to limit the amount of fumes he inhaled. He was huddled around_ _a fire with Sirius, James, and Lily. As far as they could tell, the poison was slow-acting on those with the virus, and would take a while to take effect on anyone without the illness; the group wasn't taking any chances, as they didn't know how long they'd be stuck out in the open._

 _Meanwhile, there was a more pressing matter at hand._

" _Pregnant," Sirius repeated, staring at the beaming couple in disbelief. "Evans, you're pregnant?"_

 _Lily smiled, her green eyes dazzling. "Isn't it exciting?"_

 _Sirius ran a hand through his long dark hair, some strands sticking to his face with sweat and blood. "I mean—that's great—but is now really the time?"_

 _Lily's smile fell from her lips, and James' hazel eyes turned cold. "And just what," James asked, standing up, "is that supposed to mean?"_

 _Remus groaned, feeling a headache coming on. Logically, he knew that when the baby had been conceived, the gases hadn't been released yet; James and Lily had thought they'd be able to protect a child. But now that they were on the run, searching for a refuge that was hardly more substantial than a few rumors… a baby would slow them down._

 _Sirius tried to backpedal, his face paling. "James, listen, I'm excited for the baby—really, I am! But can we protect it out here?"_

" _Well," Lily said, her voice thick with emotion but no less dangerous. "It's a little late to give it back now."_

" _That's not what I meant," Sirius insisted, shocked. "Neither of you are listening! I'm only concerned that this will set us—all five of us—back."_

 _Remus coughed, and his friends paused in their argument to look at him with concern. His illness made him much more susceptible to the gas, though not nearly as much as having the virus would make him. He looked up at them, his eyes watery from the strain in his chest. "None of you are listening. James, Lily, the baby will slow us down, but Sirius—that's okay. We're all—all scared of the future. But we'll make it through—with the baby."_

 _The tension drained from Sirius' shoulders, and James and Lily shared a soft smile. "Guess the stress of everything is messing with our heads," James chuckled darkly._

 _Remus glanced out of the window of the abandoned warehouse they had taken shelter in. "It will be over soon," Remus said confidently. "One way or another, it will end."_

 _Months passed, and the quartet somehow made the trek with relatively little drama. They walked along the dead earth, stopping occasionally in ghost towns so they could stock up on supplies or rest for a while. Things weren't all going smoothly, however—Remus was growing sicker by the day, and Lily was having trouble moving quickly. When her belly grew large enough to signify the end of her pregnancy, there was a lot of debate about what to do next._

" _We have to stop at a town," James insisted. "If we keep going, the baby could surprise us in the middle of a battle, or somewhere we don't have supplies."_

" _But James—" Sirius broke off suddenly, lowering his voice, but Remus could still hear. "James, Remus can't stop."_

" _I'll be fine," Remus snapped, annoyed. "We need to stop for the baby."_

 _James, however, was suddenly doubtful. "Remus," he said softly, "Sirius has a point. We need to get you to the Sanc—"_

" _What we need," Remus interrupted, ignoring the pain in his joints, "is to deliver your baby."_

 _In the end, they compromised—they walked for another day until they reached a smaller city, but one closer to the Sanctuary. Remus refused to look at Sirius during this time, and it seemed his lover had finally had enough. As they settled down around a fire James had made up, the black-haired man put his head on Remus' shoulder._

" _You're mad at me," he murmured. "Why?"_

" _Take a guess," Remus said bitterly._

 _Sirius sighed and sat up. "I'm just worried about your health. I—"_

" _I'm not an invalid," Remus snapped, unwilling to hear his boyfriend's excuses. "I'm tired of everyone treating me like I'm about to break—I can take care of myself!"_

 _Sirius gaped at him in surprise. "We don't think—"_

 _Remus turned away, his shoulders slumping. The truth was, he knew his lungs were reacting badly to the air, along with his other symptoms. He was getting more and more tired, and he was scared. But before the disaster, his illness hadn't been able to stop him from doing things with his friends, and it hadn't made the others think he was unable to do something. Now, how he was feeling was a major factor in all their biggest decisions; he hated it._

" _I don't want to slow you down. I don't want to be a burden, but lately that's all I feel like. Sirius, I want you all to get to safety, and that just won't happen if you—"_

" _I'm not leaving you," Sirius cut in firmly. "Don't be stupid, Remus. The day we leave you is the day we've lost our humanity. And besides," he murmured, his grey eyes softening, "you're not a burden. I love you. I just… " He sighed heavily. "I just want you to be as comfortable as possible. I know you're hurting, and that's tearing me up inside because I can't do anything about it!"_

 _Remus glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, raising an eyebrow at the unexpected outburst. "Is there something you need to get off your chest?"_

" _No." Sirius shook his head. "I'm helping you right now."_

 _Remus laced his fingers through the other man's, then pressed a kiss on his temple. "Helping you helps me," he insisted. "Tell me."_

 _Sirius looked down. "I… I_ want _the baby here," he began quietly. "I'm just worried that… I want to protect all of you, and I don't know if I can. When that baby gets here… I can't fail them before they've even learned my name."_

 _Remus sucked in a breath, suddenly understanding the argument from months ago. "You're afraid that you can't save everyone."_

 _Sirius nodded. "That kid—" His voice broke. "That kid is going to grow up in a living nightmare. I want to be able to keep him or her happy."_

" _We can only do the best we can. That child has a chance at life… it needs us."_

 _Sirius turned to cup Remus' stubbly chin in his hand. "Both of us," he said firmly. "That baby needs both of us."_

 _Throat dry, Remus nodded. "Yeah. Both of us."_

 _Sirius smiled, and Remus' heart fluttered. They began to lean forward, their chapped lips rapidly closing the distance between them—_

" _What the hell is_ he _doing here?"_

 _The men jumped apart, turning to see James with his arms crossed, glaring at the door of the old house they had taken shelter in. The man in the doorway was glaring just as intensely back at James, loathing clear in his black eyes._

 _Remus' stomach churned with discomfort; he had hoped never to see Severus Snape again._

 _James glanced back at them, and then swallowed guiltily, some of the tension draining from his shoulders. "I ruined the moment, didn't I?"_

 _Before either Remus or Sirius could answer, Snape jumped in. "It wouldn't be the first time, Potter."_

 _James' gaze snapped back to the sallow-skinned man. "Why don't you just snuff it, Snape? Nobody wants you here."_

" _Actually," said Lily crossly, from the other side of the room. "I asked him here, James. To help with the baby. Severus is very good with medicine. If something goes wrong—"_

" _Nothing will," James grumbled._

 _Lily stomped her foot, her green eyes blazing. "James Potter, this is your child. Put your pride aside for once,_ all of you, _and help me have this baby."_

 _Sirius mouthed something very unflattering to Snape when he thought no one was looking, and Remus elbowed him in the ribs._

" _So, erm, Severus," he bagan awkwardly. "What are you doing here?"_

 _Snape turned to Remus, a snarl on his lips. "Lupin. Did you assume that I was out for a stroll?"_

 _Remus swallowed as Sirius stood up next to him. He put a hand on his lover's arm to halt him, then turned back to his childhood rival. "I didn't, actually. I know you're trying to survive out here, just as we are. What I meant was, why are you here with us?"_

 _Lily stepped forward, her green eyes blazing with anger at her three travelling companions. All three men shrank under her gaze. "Severus," she began coldly, "is here by my invitation. I ran into him outside—he's been living here since the gas was released. He's been working on something that can counteract the effects. I thought he might be able to help Remus, and he… well, he could help deliver the baby."_

 _Remus stiffened at the reminder of his weakness, and Sirius, catching his movements, placed a supporting hand on his shoulder._

" _Remus is fine," Sirius said clearly. "Just a bit ill. He'll take it easy, but—"_

" _I don't need any special treatment," Remus finished before Sirius could come up with a way for him to be taken care of without being treated like glass. Sirius frowned, but Remus stared back defiantly._

 _Luckily for the two of them, James spoke, stopping an impending argument. "I don't need him here to help with the baby. I can do it myself."_

 _Snape laughed dryly, but his eyes still glowed with hate as he took in the other man. "And have you ever delivered a child before, Potter?"_

 _James bristled. "How hard can it be? All you have to do is catch it."_

 _Snape sneered at him. "I wouldn't trust you not to drop—"_

" _That's enough!" Lily cut in. "This child isn't going to wait for you two to grow up. James, Severus is helping because we need this baby to be as healthy as possible, and he's an expert. Severus—kindly stop provoking my husband and our friends. You're better than that."_

 _Remus knew it wasn't so simple. Lily didn't know the full story, but James and Sirius' hate of Severus stemmed from the incessant bullying Remus has received due to his illness in school, in which Snape had played a large part of. While Remus had long since realized that Severus was above that now, some of his ill feelings towards the man still remained, while the other three couldn't let go of their rivalry._

" _Come on," Remus said softly to Sirius, pulling him away to a back wall. "Let's get some sleep. James and Snape can hash it out later, but I'm tired."_

 _Sirius begrudgingly pulled a blue blanket out of the bag he'd packed, lying down next to Remus. Sensing his lover's agitation, Remus wrapped his scarred arms around Sirius' torso, then pressed his face against the other man's chest._

" _Don't think about it tonight. Just sleep. Ignore him."_

" _Do you… do you think he actually has something that could help you?"_

 _The question was whispered, sounding almost ashamed, but Remus could detect the hope in his words. He shook his head, his shoulders trembling from the urge not to cough_ right then.

" _I'm not sure that's possible, especially with the limited resources outside."_

" _Not your regular condition—something to slow the gas' effects, so it doesn't make it so difficult for you to—"_

" _S-stop," Remus begged, beginning to cough. "S-stop. I can't get-et my hopes up like that."_

 _Sirius pulled him tighter against his chest and didn't respond. He didn't press the matter, but he didn't agree to drop it, either._

 _The next morning, Remus awoke with a coughing fit. Sirius was at his side in an instant, and, to everyone's surprise, so was Snape._

 _James quickly brought over some water from a canteen, and Remus took it gratefully. He struggled to get some down, but it was easier to stop coughing when his throat was soothed. He leaned back against the wall, light-heated, as Sirius squeezed his hand and kissed his forehead comfortingly._

" _Are you all right, love?" he asked._

" _Yes," Remus rasped. "Yes, I'm fine."_

 _Lily squatted down beside him—quite a feat, considering her current condition. "Remus, love, do you need anything?"_

" _Yes, he does," Sirius snapped. "He needs to get to the Sanctuary."_

 _Remus shot him a look, but Sirius ignored him. "You two don't see it, but he's getting worse. We need to get him out of this air."_

 _James and Lily glanced at each other guiltily. Snape was frowning, as though he was in the middle of an internal debate._

" _Lupus," he murmured. "That's what you have."_

 _Everyone in the room stiffened. Remus wasn't altogether surprised; Snape, he knew, had been training in the medical field before the disaster, and had most likely recognized the tell-tale rash on his face. He had caught Sirius' eyes flickering down to his nose and knew that they only did that when the butterfly rash was present and he was trying to keep that from Remus. He tried not to think of what a flare up could do to him out there._

" _Yes," he said softly. "That's correct."_

 _Snape nodded slowly. Then he stood up and exited the building, the door closing firmly behind him._

" _Good riddance," James muttered darkly._

 _Lily only sighed. She turned back to Remus, tears in her green eyes. "Remus, love, are you all right?"_

 _Remus closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure. This was the absolute worst time for his symptoms to worsen. "I'm only sick, Lily. I can get better."_

 _He felt Sirius' cool hand against his forehead, checking for a fever, and couldn't help but lean into the touch. Sirius hissed in fear. "He's burning up."_

 _James stood up. "That's it. We need to get moving. Let's gather up—"_

" _No!" Remus protested, his amber eyes wide. "I'll be fine. We need to have this baby—"_

" _At the risk of your health? I don't think so," Lily admonished. "Remus, we need to get you to a doctor. We can't—" Her voice broke. "We can't lose you out here."_

 _Just then, the door opened, and Severus Snape came back in. In his hands was a small jar, and he brought it over to Remus with a scowl on his face. "This is all I have left of the stuff, Lupin. Hopefully your doctor prescribed it."_

 _Remus took the jar and saw that it was the same steroid cream that he used on his rashes before the disaster. "Yes," he said hoarsely. "Severus… thank you."_

 _Sirius quickly took it from his hands, applying it expertly to his face. "What else flaring up?" he asked Remus quietly. "Please tell me."_

 _Remus bit his lip. "The fever, like you said. My skin. My joints. And my… my chest hurts."_

 _Sirius looked grim. They both knew that this meant Remus' condition was worsening—he needed medical attention, and quickly._

" _Maybe," they heard James begin softly, "I can convince Sirius and Remus to go on ahead—"_

" _Good luck with that!" Sirius exclaimed. "James, mate—there is no way in hell the four of us are splitting up. It's all of us… or none of us."_

 _That day passed by slowly. Lily's contractions were getting more painful and closer together, but no one was quite sure when it would be time to deliver the baby. Snape was the only one who was calm about the situation, curtly assuring them that they'd know when the time came._

 _Six hours after Lily's water broke, James came prancing out of the side room holding a tiny bundle in his arms._

 _Sirius leapt to his feet, rushing eagerly over to his friend. Remus got up much more slowly, a wide grin on his face._

" _Boys," James began, beaming. "Meet Harry James Potter."_

* * *

 _Their happiness didn't last long. They had to continue their journey with a newborn at their side, stopping constantly so he could be fed and changed. Remus would never admit it, but he began looking forward to those pauses; he had thought his symptoms would calm down with time, but they only seemed to be getting worse. There was nothing terribly serious, as far as he could tell, but he knew that if he didn't get medical help soon, then that would change._

 _Sirius could sense it too. His elation at being named godfather was diluted by his lover's illness, and Remus felt extremely guilty. Snape had gone ahead of them to warn the Sanctuary they were coming, and that Remus and Harry would both need medical attention almost immediately. They still weren't sure it would be enough._

 _Two months after Harry's birth, they saw it. A large, silver dome against the red-black sky on the horizon. The Sanctuary. The air was clean there, and resources, plenty of food, a place to rest—it was paradise._

 _Their pace sped up with their eagerness. In three days, the Sanctuary was within reach. A large crowd had gathered around the doors, waiting for them to open. All the survivors of the disaster had gathered there, awaiting a new life—a better life._

 _Remus didn't even realize anything was wrong until the screaming started._

 _At this point, his illness had escalated so much, he knew that he needed to see a doctor immediately. He was in quite a lot of pain, and it took him a minute to process what James was shouting._

" _The infected are here! That's why we haven't run into any in such a long time—I'm so stupid—"_

 _Sure enough, there they were. They were emerging from behind every dead tree, every abandoned house. Dead eyes, blood trickling from the corners of their mouths—they vastly outnumbered the healthy. People were running through the now-open doors of the Sanctuary, but everyone noticed the look on one of the Ministry officials' face—if the zombies got too close, he would shut the doors._

 _Remus' adrenaline was kicking in, waking him up slightly. Something was pushed into his chest, and he instinctively grabbed it; it was Harry. He looked up at James in shock, but the wild-haired man just smiled sadly down at his son._

" _Everything's going to be okay," James told his wailing son. "I have magic powers. Daddy won't ever… Daddy won't ever leave you."_

" _Stop," Remus gasped, trying to give Harry back; James wouldn't take him. "James, no, you can't stay!"_

" _He'll have you," James said firmly, his hazel eyes bright. "He'll be loved. And that's enough."_

 _Remus desperately tried to give the child to Lily or Sirius, but neither would accept him. He knew what they were doing; if he had Harry, whom he'd sworn to protect at all costs, then he would run into the Sanctuary. They were trying to save him while they went to fight off the infected._

' _Don't do this!" Remus shouted at them. "He needs his parents—his godfather—the last person he needs is me—"_

" _No." Sirius was at his side in an instant. "Remus, you need to get him to safety, and you need to go to the hospital. We have a chance out here, but you have more of a chance in there."_

" _Why are you doing this?" Remus demanded. He was shaking like a leaf, afraid not of the danger he was in, but of what his friends were about to do—what they were about to sacrifice._

" _Because it won't change if we don't do something," Sirius answered calmly. "More people will be infected. We'll reduce that number."_

" _But—"_

 _He was interrupted by a kiss. Lips searing with heat, Sirius kissed him like he was trying to force all of his love and passion out in mere seconds. Remus tried to do the same; to pour every last ounce of his love for the man holding him into the kiss as possible. He prayed that it wouldn't be the last one._

" _I love you," Remus whispered when they broke apart. It was barely audible amidst all the shouting, but Sirius heard._

" _I love you too," he said solemnly. "With everything I am, I love you, Remus. But now you have to go."_

 _Remus turned to James and Lily. They hugged him briefly, but all too soon were shoving him away. Clutching Harry to his chest, he turned and ran. Every step sent jolts of pain flashing through him, but he pressed on. If he could pass Harry off to someone, then he could rush back outside and help them—_

 _Doctors were waiting inside the doors, and Snape must have described him because they rushed to him as soon as he entered. He quickly handed them Harry, then spun around to go back out—a hand stopped him._

" _Lupin, what are you doing?" Snape's voice sounded in his ear. "Stay here. Where are the others?"_

" _Let me go!" Remus yelled desperately._

" _No." Snape's voice was firm. "You need help. Now, where is Lily?"_

" _Outside," Remus sobbed. "Let me go so I can help!"_

 _He struggled against Snape's grip, peering over the heads of the crowd. His friends had been backed up almost to the doors, and he saw Sirius glance over his shoulder at him. His face was dripping with blood and there was a dark bruise over his eye, but Remus thought he'd never looked more handsome._

 _A doctor grabbed Remus' arms, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Snape sprint through the crowd, trying to get to the man who was lowering the door._

" _Please!" Remus bellowed. "Sirius—"_

 _He watched in horror as Sirius bent down to pick up a large stone. He looked Remus in the eye, and his grey eyes were full of sorrow. James and Lily were with him, and they nodded once at their friend as they continued fighting. He rolled the stone over in his hand, aiming for Severus, who was almost at the controls._

" _You know what they say," he shouted to Remus. "Go out with a bang."_

 _Remus screamed as Sirius threw the stone. It hit home—there was the sickening crack of Severus' ankle breaking, and the man fell to the ground. With those precious few seconds Sirius had bought, the Ministry official dropped the door._

 _The last thing Remus saw before the harsh grey metal filled his vision was Sirius being overwhelmed by the infected._

 _With a strength he hadn't known he possessed, Remus wrenched himself out of the doctor's grip, hurtling towards the door. He banged on it, screaming and sobbing, and he was dimly aware of Severus doing the same. Eventually, he slid down to the ground, his fists still pressed against the metal and his head lowered._

" _Sirius," he whispered. "Sirius. Please."_

 _He was suddenly wrenched upwards, and something slammed into his jaw, knocking his head backwards. Snape stood in front of him, panting heavily, his dark eyes wild._

" _This is your fault," he growled; Remus had never seen him so mad. "You… you did this. You left her!"_

" _I had to... " Remus gasped. He body was on fire—he didn't know how much of it his illness was causing, but he could barely think straight. "I had to protect Harry! They told me to, they wouldn't take him back—"_

 _Snape punched him again, and Remus fell to the ground. He was dimly aware of the shouts around them, but he didn't dwell on it for long._

" _She was supposed to be safe!" Snape yelled. "She was supposed to be here—even if it had to be with Potter, she was supposed to be here! Instead there's just you—broken, disgusting, unworthy to take her place—"_

 _His words wrapped around Remus' heart, squeezing tightly. He knew he shouldn't be here, he'd tried to tell them that, but they had insisted—if he had only protested more—_

 _No. If he had only listened, they might still be alive._

 _He'd killed them._

 _Snape was approaching to hit him again, and Remus made no move to stop it. The blow never came, however. Members of the crowd had rushed forward, pulling the livid man away from Remus. Doctors swarmed the two of them, taking Severus out of Remus' sight._

 _Hands grabbed him once more. He felt the sharp sting of a needle being injected, and then there was nothing._

 _He welcomed it._

* * *

For a long moment, Harry didn't speak. He simply stared at his uncle, mind and body numb. Remus was shuddering, his breathing shallow. It had been a horrific tale, and Harry felt a pang of guilt for forcing the man to relive everything.

"Remus," he said softly. "It wasn't your fault. It was a terrible situation, and… you saved me."

Did he ever regret it? Were there days when he looked at Harry and could only see James—or wished that he _were_ James? Or even worse—did he ever wish he'd stayed and died with them all?

Remus' amber gaze flickered over to Harry, clearer than Harry had ever seen them. "I know I haven't been the… best guardian," he admitted quietly, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I'm not always… in the present. But Harry, I do love you. You're what's kept me going all these years—the reason I've wanted to try." He smiled, and though it was small, Harry could see that it was filled with gratitude. "Thank you for that."

Harry smiled back, a new respect for the man before him evident in his eyes. "Why… why did you tell me now, though?" he asked cautiously. "You've never answered that question before."

Remus put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I thought it was time. You've been ready, I think, for a long time… I just wasn't sure that I was."

"Thank you," Harry said sincerely. "For telling me, I mean."

Remus pulled his nephew in for a hug, holding him tightly. "You just… remember that they wanted the best for you. They were brave—all three of them—and they fought because they didn't want you to have to."

"You were brave too," Harry mumbled. "Uncle Remus, what you did—"

"I may never get better," Remus interrupted, his voice shaking. "I've healed, some, but I can't be what they wanted me to be for you."

Harry nodded slowly. "I know that. And that's okay. This is enough."

"Is it?" Remus' words were full of doubt, and Harry could sense that he would soon pull in on himself once more. Sure enough, when he pulled back and looked into his uncle's eyes, they were vacant.

"It is," he answered anyway. "Of course it is."

 **A/N: Prompts:**

 **Writing Club:**

 **Character Appreciation: 3. (character) James Potter or Remus Lupin (Sirius is featured)**

 **Disney Challenge: Characters 1. Moana — Alt. Write about someone who won't give up, no matter how hard things get.**

 **Lizzy's Loft: 1. Markiplier — Alt. Write about a good friend**

 **Book Club: 1. Starr — (plot point) watching a loved one die, (word) nightmare, (emotion) regret, (word) witness, (dialogue) "Because it won't change if we don't do something.", (action) punching someone**

 **Showtime: 4. Sabbath Prayer — (action) protecting**

 **Amber's Attic: 2. St. Elmo's Fire — Write about someone worrying about the future.**

 **Count Your Buttons: Dialogue 2. "You know what they say, go out with a bang."; Characters 1. Sirius Black; Words 4. Adrenaline**

 **Lyric Alley: 13. That's all I ask of you**

 **Ami's Audio Admirations: 15. Story and Song — (dialogue) "Everything's going to be okay. I have magic powers." (bonus)**

 **Sophie's Shelf: Gunpowder Plot 5. Gunpowder — Write about something (or someone) dangerous**

 **Emy's Emporium: 12. Curling up with a book — (character) Remus Lupin**

 **Angel's Arcade: 9. Ripper Roo — (character) Lily Evans Potter, (dialogue) "Good luck with that!", (color) blue**

 **Lo's Lowdown: Character 6. Malcolm Ducasse — Alt. Write about someone loyal**

 **Bex's Basement: 12. Ant Man — Alt. (dialogue) "I ruined the moment, didn't I?"**

 **Film Festival: 15. (action) mouthing something rude**

 **Fantastic Beasts:**

 **13\. Dementor — (word) kiss; Cameroon — (character) James Potter**


End file.
